So I had a phone call yesterday afternoon, from the psychologist who’s assessing me today.

She sounded very nice, but she told me I would definitely get my yes or no to autism today at the end of the session. When my daughter was assessed (privately) they sent her away with a huge questionnaire and then spent 6 weeks deliberating and writing up the report before it was confirmed.

So I queried it, given my recent previous experience with autism assessments and apparently they frontloaded that part, which I vaguely recall now – it was 2 years ago.

And so it’s all got a bit real and I’ve basically spent all yesterday and this morning bursting into tears.

I’m terrified they’ll say no. And what would that mean? That I really am lazy and aren’t trying hard enough? That I am just unlikeable?

I know exactly where there spiral goes.

The psychologist said I could bring whatever I needed that would help me relax – but I don’t think playing a-ha on a loop on the loudest setting through my headphones will work with being asked 2-3 hours of questions on the inner workings of my brain…